29 May 2006
I don't understand

The first period in school was free. Yay! At least we don't have to do work. But it was boring and I was feeling lonely. I mean, there are like 40 students in the class, I don't have to feel that, yet I do nothing about it. As I looked around the class just now, I couldn't help but notice the ambience was full of life. People chatting with one another, people laughing out loudly at some jokes, people having a philosophical conversation. The din, the noise, the joy. It was a time to catch up with friends, and I'm not doing that. I feel left out, yet I don't approach people and ask for a chat. Am I being an ignoramus or something?

Fine, I did that. I tried hard to listen and enjoy, but I just couldn't. Maybe it doesn't interest me. But I think it's my fault too for being choosy. I only talk to certain people (so limited). So I mostly just sit there doing nothing, with little social interactions. Note the key word little, I still talk, but not much.

Computer period is also pretty much the same thing. Another free period. Oh joy! Instead of talking to the ex-3Y people, I just sat there and did nothing at first. And life began to spring out of everybody. Talking, chatting, laughing, discussing, sharing... It's driving me crazy!!! Men are supposed to be social animals. Why not me? What I do... The noise is getting annoying, it's too much for my ears. I hate them, I'm jealous of them, I'm envious of them.

And when Steven came, I couldn't help but let tears just flow out of my eyes, shattering into tiny droplets as they hit the surface of the table. (Sorry if this sounds melodramatic, it was expressed rather exaggerately). I couldn't talk to him. We communicated by paper. I choked up my words. I can't express them verbally. Only the power of pen can aid me in expressing my emotions and my feelings, things I don't normally express to everyone everytime. Thank you Steven for understanding how I feel. You brought me back to perspective and helped to scale down my problem for me. And yea, feeling left out and lonely just sucks high time. And Alex, sorry if I didn't talk much, I was too caught up in my own world. (Yes, yes, I know, I'm very "emo" =P)

Well, in the end, I then tried to talk to my 3Y friends la. It was awesome. Haha...although it was for a short time ^^. I enjoyed it lol. But what followed after Computer wasn't very pleasing. It destroyed my fragile mood again.

So, being a councillor and all isn't an easy job for me. If you think I enjoyed yelling and scolding people for little things, then think again. It would seriously make my job easier if ONLY people can cooperate with me. It upsets me that...even some people in 4s2 won't even listen to me, just because I'm their friend. Look, I hate to put this bluntly, but I have no choice but to do so:

Although I AM your friend, you have NO RIGHT to assume that I can let you go and break the school rules!

If you think eating cookies with that face in front of me is funny, it's not. If you're trying to be a pathetic joker, please, I'm sorry but I don't get your job. And it's not just one, it's all in the gang.

Seriously, mister, it is that hard for you and your clan to go down and eat and finish off the cookies before coming back up again. You all know very well that it is against the school rules, so why do you have to do it. And WHY DO YOU ALL THINK THAT BECAUSE I'M YOUR FRIEND, I LET YOU GET AWAY HUH?!

I can see your faces now very vividly once again as I type this out. Showing me the cookies with that stupid expression plastered on your faces "I know you don't dare one!" and down the cookie down your throat? Bless you, my poor souls. How I wish you could choke on that cookie for being that daring! Fine, it's a small matter, but rules are rules nevertheless, and no matter how ma fan it is, you still have to obey it.

And gay la, one of you also have to nerves to bite off that one last cookie before I can take action.

PLEASE LA, show a little respect to me okay? I'm not trying to be narcissistic here, and I'm not attention-deficient either, but with sincere thank yous to you guys, you have made my day! Hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never intended to do it, but it's my job. In order to be fair to everyone, I have to treat everyone fairly, friend and foe. Got it?! >=(

I never felt so pissed off in my lives. And I thought it would be better by telling off you guys gently. Instead, I have to use the violent way, not the diplomatic way.

So much for that...

P.S. I'm no longer lonely anymore, I hope...
P.S.S. Once again, I repeat. My job is to uphold the school rules. Regardless of who you are, if you break the rules, actions will be taken, ranging from the mild "pretty please" to DRASTIC ACTIONS if needed and felt necessary. Sorry to my friends, but it's my job. Please understand...

freshrimp put thoughts into writing at 12:42.
Comments? Whisper 'em! (5 whispered.)

Comments by them:-

Life is harsh. But it has to go on! Don't worry so much and just live everyday as it is. No point being miserable. No one would care. So just be happy instead. You'll get through this.

Blogger Paradox whispered at 29 May, 2006 16:23.  

i agree with steven completely. but instead of being fake happy all the time, screw up other people's lives instead. long-term revenge owns.

Blogger Alex whispered at 29 May, 2006 18:31.  

Steven - Yea, I'm like a happy-go-lucky guy, immune to the harshness of everyday life. Now I know how harsh and unfair life can be at times. Thanks for your support =).

Alex - LOL!!! One day, maybe, one day, if I am in a wrath, I hold grudges and can never let go hehe =P

Blogger freshrimp whispered at 29 May, 2006 19:07.  

Haha!! SHIM! =D I know. LIFE SUCK SOMETIMES. Me too. =S though you see im so happy go lucky JUST LIKE YOU. HAhAHa!! Anyway. FIND ME BAH if anything.=D hahahaha!! I CAN crack it up. AI SEH!! so perasan. HAHAHAHHAAA

Blogger us whispered at 01 June, 2006 14:21.  

us? its elena by the way. HAHA

Blogger us whispered at 01 June, 2006 14:22.  

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